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MY BACK GOES OUT MORE THAN I DO!

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That is the story of my life! Penny. I too, have a problem with sitting, standing, lying, walking, etc. etc. etc. I do all of these for a limited time. When I sit, it is for only 15-20 minutes at a time. I actually had to stop work because of that. I became very depressed over what my life bacame at that point. Someone said they looked at what they could do, not what they could not do. That is like is the glass half empty or half full. I had to learn to switch my way of thinking.

Now, I try to do as many of the things I used to do, but with some adjustments. Some days the back pain is so severe, all I can do is to force myself to relax long enough for the pain meds to get in to my system. When I stress over it, I find I am almost fighting the meds.

I have always enjoyed knitting or cross-stitch. I recall lying in the hospital bed after my first back surgery and I had my knitting with me. I was flat on the bed with my arms propped on two pillows so I could still knit. The nurses would laugh at me but that year everyone in my family had new sweaters for Christmas.

When I had to quit work in 1999, I decided I would take up quilting. I purposely put my ironing board and cutting board out of reach of my sewing machine. That forces me to get up and change positions. Some days, I have my sewing machine on my cutting table so I can stand and sew. When I can't sit at all, I have hand work that needs to be done; I either hand quilt or I have a binding that needs to be sewn on by hand. I then lie in my recliner with the heating pad and do hand work. When I can't do any of that, I still knit or do cross-stitch. Or I spend my time looking through all of my quilting books and magazines and mentally plan my next project. I do have the tv on most of the time; the noise fools me into thinking I am not alone. I do not drive, although the doctor and DH are trying to convince me that I should. I have been afraid of driving with my meds. And so, I do not go out very often. I live in a very rural district, with no public transportation. I do have some friends who visit sometimes but they do have their own lives.

When I really, really want to do something, I will push my body. I pick and choose what I want to do knowing I will pay a painful price later. Usually I feel I will have pain anyway so why not have a good reason for the pain.

I recall leaving the specialist's office after he told me I had to stop working and being very upset, probably feeling sorry for myself. We stopped at a red light and I saw a man in a wheel chair crossing in front of us. The man had no legs! At that point, I felt rather bad about feeling sorry for myself and a little voice inside of me said, "at least you have legs so get off your pity pot!" That was a good lesson for me.

Oh, I don't say I never get feeling low or depressed, I struggle with it all the time. I just have to keep reminding myself that I do have legs, that there are people who have less ability than I do.

My two cats and my dog keep me company when no one else is around, I spend time watching tv, I read a lot. When I look out my window I see a lot of wildlife that I can spend hours looking at. Somehow, the days seem too short for me and time does fly by.

When we drive anywhere, I lie down in our vehicle. I used to lie on the back seat of our van; now we have a truck but my seat goes back or I lie on the seat behind. Sometimes, I do both depending on the length of the trip or how I am feeling. I have a walker that I use a lot, I also use a cane to help me get around.

Try to think of things you would like to do and then tell us. Perhaps between all of us, we could come up with suggestions of ways you could modify your surroundings so you could do these things, at least for a little while.

I have rambled on and on but I hope you get the idea that sometimes we can still do something, only in a different way.

hugs, Myrna