This may be a good printout for the parents....
Teens get bad press. All too often publicity about teenagers highlights the ones in trouble: the runaways and the lawbreakers. You rarely hear about the hospital volunteers and the camp counsellors.
Teens have no status, no recognized place in our society. We no longer need them to do essential chores like milking cows or chopping wood jobs that gave them a sense of usefulness and worth. (Even when teens work part-time, their earnings are not usually necessary for their family's survival).
Young people used to grow up quickly. Now we require them to be dependent and regimented until they acquire the education they need to find jobs in a technology-oriented society.
Social isolation is another problem. The trend toward smaller families, increased mobility and the high divorce rate often mean there are no relatives close by to help teens and their parents get over the rough spots. When friction develops between parent and teenager, there may be no one to turn to for help and advice, no one who can step in and defuse the situation.
Not surprisingly, parents sometimes feel overwhelmed by the stress of bringing up teenagers. But there are steps we can take to make things better. We can begin by remembering our own adolescence. Asking ourselves questions like "How much did I share with my parents?" "How critical and argumentative was I at that stage?" and "What were my worries and dreams?" can help us accept our teens' behaviour better.
Some things are true in every age and in every culture. Adolescence is always a struggle for independence it is common for teenagers to challenge their parents.
Teens still cope, as we did, with major physical changes, emotional ups and downs, unfamiliar sexual stages, peer pressure, a changing identity, important life decisions and the resulting loneliness and anxiety.
The world is changing rapidly and differs in many ways from the one we grew up in. Teens today face a more complex and impersonal society. Alcohol and drugs are more easily available. Today's teens also have to worry about AIDS, violence and uncertain job prospects.
The pressures on today's teens are intense. Young people have become a major target group for advertisers and media hucksters, who constantly urge them to grow up quickly and have it all now!
Family Relationships
Teens are out of balance at the same time as their parents are struggling with their own mid-life pressures. While teens are dismayed by each new pimple, parents may be agonizing over each new wrinkle. While teens are thinking in terms of the time ahead and the opportunities it will bring, parents are beginning to think in terms of time remaining and the opportunities that are diminishing. While teens are gradually acquiring more personal power, parents are often beginning to confront their own limitations. Giving up power over their children may be difficult. Good parents aim at working themselves out of their job, but the difficult part is knowing how and when to let go.
Parents are not the only ones struggling with mixed feelings. As teenagers try to establish their identity, they have to adjust to the loss of childhood security and accept increasing responsibility.
As our children work toward independence and self-control, our attitude to their struggle is crucial to their success. Parents and teenagers will both do much better if parents can keep a sense of perspective.
When parents and teens are getting along, family life can be wonderful. Teens really are enjoyable and energizing. Their wit and high spirits make them fun to be around. But when parents and teens are at odds, the teenage propensity for sullen silence and rejection can confuse and frustrate their parents.
Life with teenagers is an emotional rollercoaster; certainly an adult marriage with so many ups and downs would be considered unstable. Luckily, for parents and adolescents this "on-again, off-again" relationship is normal and nothing to worry about in the long run.
Make the most of the good times with your teens. Think about your children's likeable qualities even when they're temporarily exhibiting their unlikeable ones. It is important for parents to see the instability in the relationship for what it is a necessary part of the teen's development in separating from his or her parents.
More in the link
Teens get bad press. All too often publicity about teenagers highlights the ones in trouble: the runaways and the lawbreakers. You rarely hear about the hospital volunteers and the camp counsellors.
Teens have no status, no recognized place in our society. We no longer need them to do essential chores like milking cows or chopping wood jobs that gave them a sense of usefulness and worth. (Even when teens work part-time, their earnings are not usually necessary for their family's survival).
Young people used to grow up quickly. Now we require them to be dependent and regimented until they acquire the education they need to find jobs in a technology-oriented society.
Social isolation is another problem. The trend toward smaller families, increased mobility and the high divorce rate often mean there are no relatives close by to help teens and their parents get over the rough spots. When friction develops between parent and teenager, there may be no one to turn to for help and advice, no one who can step in and defuse the situation.
Not surprisingly, parents sometimes feel overwhelmed by the stress of bringing up teenagers. But there are steps we can take to make things better. We can begin by remembering our own adolescence. Asking ourselves questions like "How much did I share with my parents?" "How critical and argumentative was I at that stage?" and "What were my worries and dreams?" can help us accept our teens' behaviour better.
Some things are true in every age and in every culture. Adolescence is always a struggle for independence it is common for teenagers to challenge their parents.
Teens still cope, as we did, with major physical changes, emotional ups and downs, unfamiliar sexual stages, peer pressure, a changing identity, important life decisions and the resulting loneliness and anxiety.
The world is changing rapidly and differs in many ways from the one we grew up in. Teens today face a more complex and impersonal society. Alcohol and drugs are more easily available. Today's teens also have to worry about AIDS, violence and uncertain job prospects.
The pressures on today's teens are intense. Young people have become a major target group for advertisers and media hucksters, who constantly urge them to grow up quickly and have it all now!
Family Relationships
Teens are out of balance at the same time as their parents are struggling with their own mid-life pressures. While teens are dismayed by each new pimple, parents may be agonizing over each new wrinkle. While teens are thinking in terms of the time ahead and the opportunities it will bring, parents are beginning to think in terms of time remaining and the opportunities that are diminishing. While teens are gradually acquiring more personal power, parents are often beginning to confront their own limitations. Giving up power over their children may be difficult. Good parents aim at working themselves out of their job, but the difficult part is knowing how and when to let go.
Parents are not the only ones struggling with mixed feelings. As teenagers try to establish their identity, they have to adjust to the loss of childhood security and accept increasing responsibility.
As our children work toward independence and self-control, our attitude to their struggle is crucial to their success. Parents and teenagers will both do much better if parents can keep a sense of perspective.
When parents and teens are getting along, family life can be wonderful. Teens really are enjoyable and energizing. Their wit and high spirits make them fun to be around. But when parents and teens are at odds, the teenage propensity for sullen silence and rejection can confuse and frustrate their parents.
Life with teenagers is an emotional rollercoaster; certainly an adult marriage with so many ups and downs would be considered unstable. Luckily, for parents and adolescents this "on-again, off-again" relationship is normal and nothing to worry about in the long run.
Make the most of the good times with your teens. Think about your children's likeable qualities even when they're temporarily exhibiting their unlikeable ones. It is important for parents to see the instability in the relationship for what it is a necessary part of the teen's development in separating from his or her parents.
More in the link
USA
